When I never had any energy and felt tired all the time, I felt like I was missing my life.
I just wanted to feel fully present: to feel connected in my interactions with my children, my husband, and my friends, instead of feeling zombie-like and lethargic.
I just wanted to feel awake mentally: to feel focused and productive instead of feeling foggy and scattered.
When I investigated the underlying reasons, I was tired all the time. I learned that chronic fatigue is both physiological and psychological. Both my body and my mind contributed to my low energy. I did not realize my false beliefs had set me back.
With this information, I was able to transform my lifestyle habits. I changed my self-care, my energy, my sense of peace, and ultimately, my life.
You are driven and high-performing, which means you’re busy loving and serving and achieving in big, meaningful ways. You’ve got goals to get. You need the energy to get them.
If you struggle with feeling tired all the time and want to stop missing your life, it could be this simple:
You’re tired all the time because you don’t rest.
Here’s some insight into the false beliefs that keep us from rest and what you can do about it.
Reason #1 we don’t rest: false beliefs about self-worth.
The first false belief that keeps us from rest is that your value comes from what you achieve.
When you perceive – whether consciously or subconsciously – that your value comes from what you produce, or what you achieve, or how hard you work, you’re not going to let yourself rest.
If you are constantly working or constantly pushing yourself to do more in a day than is reasonable
to expect, I encourage you to consider the deeper reasons why that might be the case. You might believe that your value comes from what you achieve.
This is false.
How to flip it:
1 – Choose to believe the truth: your value is not something that you have to earn. You are loved. You are worthy. Your value is innate. When you know that your value comes not from what you do but from who you are, you will permit yourself to rest.
2 – Remind yourself that doing more is not the same as doing better. Quality is more important than quantity. Rest gives you access to your best, most creative, most productive self. Observe yourself to learn when your point of diminishing returns is. Recognize that this may be different from day to day, week to week, even season to season.
Reason #2 we don’t rest: the false beliefs that love is something you earn.
The second false belief that keeps us from rest is that love, acceptance, and belonging are transactional – they have to be earned.
This belief leads many high-performing women to have weak boundaries.
When you believe that love, approval, acceptance, and a sense of belonging can be earned by doing things for others, by over-obligating, or by saying yes when you want to say no, you’re not going to
let yourself rest.
A lack of boundaries based on the assumption that you can earn a positive outcome leads to a life that is too busy, over-obligated, sleep-deprived, and devoid of peace.
How to flip it:
1 – Choose to believe the truth: you are unconditionally loved, and that real love isn’t something you earn.
2 – Acknowledge that feeling a sense of belonging is a survival need. By seeking approval, your survival brain is attempting to keep you safe from harm. Lovingly acknowledge (and thank!) the part of you that wants you to be safe, then choose habits that support your health and happiness.
Reason #3 we don’t rest: the false beliefs that rest isn’t necessary.
The third false belief that keeps us from rest is that rest isn’t necessary or that being overworked and exhausted is a badge of honor.
You may have heard and even believed the statement that “sleep is a crutch” or some other ridiculous crap.
Listen, sister, we need rest. Our physiology is not designed to go without it for extended periods. Getting healthy rest has myriad physiological
benefits that contribute to our physical, mental, and emotional health.
If you resist rest, you may have a mental model keeping you from being optimally healthy.
A mental model is a subconscious belief that is part of our operating system. It is how we are wired; it is how we see the world. A mental model is what we believe about ourselves and our environment.
I have a friend who is also a business owner who has told me multiple times that, as an entrepreneur, if you’re not at some point up at 3 am dry-heaving because you’re so stressed about the success of your business, you’re not doing it right.
I reject everything about this statement. Because it is false.
That is his mental model. He believes that struggling is required; stress and struggles are necessary for successful business ownership. To live rested would contradict what he believes is mandatory for success.
Maybe you have a mental model that keeps you from rest, and if you lived rested, it would contradict what you believe is necessary.
How to flip it:
1 – Choose to believe what is true: rest helps you focus, productive, and more creative. You’re more likely to be successful when you balance works with rest.
2 – Look closely at your patterns of behavior. Observe what you say to others and what you say to yourself. Observe what you think about rest or achievement or success. If you believe things like “no pain, no gain” or that “sleep is a crutch,” you may have a mental model keeping you from living rested and may be harming your health.
Reason #4 we don’t rest: the false beliefs that we lack discipline and commitment
Our fourth and final false belief that keeps us from rest is rest happens without personal commitment.
I am a coach, after all. While most of the time, I want us to lovingly seek to understand, sometimes coaching requires being the hardass who tells someone the hard truth: change takes discipline.
There may be things you do during the day that
are wasting productive time, and because you’re not getting after it during the day, you’re running behind in the evenings and need to catch up. This takes away from time you might spend relaxing and pushes your bedtime back.
Especially if it is not your current habit, it takes discipline to start getting ready for bed at 9 pm.
There are many distractions and pulls on our attention – from tv shows to social media and other apps on our phones. Looking at Pinterest or Instagram before bed is dangerous – you look up, and 45 minutes have passed in the blink of an eye.
How to flip it:
1 – Identify your distractions. Identify the things during your day and in the evening that are keeping you from restoring activities. What is keeping you from sticking to a healthy bedtime routine? Put measures in place to help you overcome those distractions.
2 – Acknowledge that it takes commitment and discipline to establish a healthy work-rest cycle and a healthy bedtime routine. Believe and know that you are capable of being committed and disciplined.
Which false belief do you resonate with the most? What “flip it” action are you committed to taking?
If you struggle with low energy and are tired all the time, there are likely physiological and psychological reasons.
By addressing these false beliefs and creating a healthy mindset around rest, you can begin the process of transforming exhaustion into energy, feeling fully present, and being optimally productive.
You can’t rock the free world when you’re tired!
Get your energy back and stop missing your life!
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